Cardigan Industries: What Would Conrad Do?

Jun 3

WHAT WOULD CONRAD DO?

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What would Conrad do?

HAPPENSTANCE: Flat tire.

WWCD? Compose 5,000 word memorandum to tire co., inquiring just with whom it is they imagine they are fucking. Demand tire be replaced by a senior executive instanter if litigation is to be avoided. Mutton lunch, nap.

HAPPENSTANCE: Noisy neighbour.

WWCD? Write scathing, densely referenced review of neighbour’s book.

HAPPENSTANCE: Restaurant music too loud.

WWCD? Instruct managing editors to undertake massive campaign of ridicule of the performing arts. Demand Canada Council be dismantled. Refer to Yehudi Menuhin as an ‘ignominious poltroon’ and Glenn Gould as ‘a stentorian clatterer.’

HAPPENSTANCE: Cheating spouse.

WWCD? Get kind of turned on.





Checklist • • The Ondaatje Memos • • Martin Amis • • • The Pitch • • Reeders II • • Meet the Reeders • •	The New Pharmacy• • What You’re Made Of • • Things That Happened • • The Drive Home • • How Was Your Flu? • • At the Dawn of the XFL • Twenty Degrees • • A New Vernacular • • How to Cook Soup • • Warning • • • Index • • • Gum • Jokette • • Cardigan Personal Style • Sentence • • •	White House Searches • • Petition • Language Barrier • • Reductionism • • Generation Wha? • • • Blood and Gore-Tex™ • • Rex Murphy • • Infrequent Searches • • Nostradumbass • • O Leah • • Stop the Inanity • • • Conrad Black III • • Conrad Black II • • Conrad Black I • • Russell Smith • •

City of Glass • • One Market Under God • Julian Barnes • • McSweeney’s V • • A Massive Swelling • • Marketing Culture • Book Design in Canada •

• Funny • Serious • Not bad, actually • Too clever x .5